Si.n.g My. L.ov.e

Saturday, February 28, 2004

the lesson of the day: isolation...
how u might ask?? >> i got stuck in the toilet...

no laughing... i'm serious.. and nopez not the "i'm doing big business tts why i was stuck in the toilet" more like "i was stuck becoz the door couldn't open" in another sense... "trapped"....

till now i've yet to understand why i got trapped in the toilet... but i've learnt the big lesson of isolation...

even though it was a short one hour, i experienced the different stages of madness....

firstly, i tot it as a joke... i went "God, kk i'm stuck here, what u want from me??" no answer....

secondly, frustration set in... i went "God kk, this is no fun anymore, quick what u want from me?? what u want me to learn?? SPEAK!!! wave wave hello?!?!"

thirdly, the tot tt hey i shall attempt to do something creative.. must be courageous, pray and see got strength anot... so i started my climbing stunt... yesh u heard it right... i attempted to climb and i have footprint marks on the wall to prove it... it didn't work.. basically, the plan to get out of the toilet by climbing didn't work..

fourthly, i prayed really hard and i cried.... i went into a panic attack.... but then cry for what?? as if will work like tt... so i decide to build up courage, to face the door again... it failed yesh again

fifthly, then i went into an angry stage... i was yesh angry at kevin, tot he didn't care tt i was stuck in the toilet.. tot he didn't know i was in the toilet, coz i remember saying i'm going toilet.. and it doesn't help tt i keep hearing pple singing outside, and playing pool and laughing.. and gosh no girls go toilet?? and i was madder becoz i wanted to sleep i was tired!! then i cried and cried...

sixthly, felt tt no point crying again... so i got up from my squatting position, and did my climbing stint again... made good frens with the dust up there... didn't smell too nice... at tt point, i suddenly felt this strong feeling of how would those pple who wanted to commit suicide feel... *they must be so courageous to even want to stand at the edge and fall to their death... i couldn't even tahan standing on the toilet seat which was so filmsy, so afraid i'll fall inside... and i was hanging fromt he bars above.. what if i fall and hit my head??? i hate to see blood... esp my own blood... then recollection of my childhood days of me falling down, hitting my head... BLOOD!!! terror!!!

then i decide, this ain't getting me anyway... so i faced the door again... by now, i got irritated by the non-stop flushing of the toilet (no it wasn't ghosts, but it was auto flush)... then, got water seep through the bottom of the toilet bowl... a bit like ghost stories like tt... quite amusing... but it wasn't at all amusing at all... then... the mood of the toilet was gloomy... GREEN... DARK GREEN... and i hate green in the first place...

depression set in... and i was very very desperate!!!! so much so, i was crying and crying as i was making a wasted effort climbing the stupid green wall... if the wall tt seperated the 2 toilets were thinner i would have successfully climbed over i'm short... couldn't reach.. couldn't even pull myself up...

i was crying and praying and yelling to myself... i was pissed off at everything and anything... so i became super violent to the door... i jumped up and grab hold of the door and shoke it... but it hurts to high heavens... then... i kicked the door...

i think i was losing my sanity... seriously... i could understand the pains and frustrations of those who were kept in isolation... esp in dark... in a small room... u start hitting everything in sight... u go mad!! and then the devil keeps folling your mind... u keep wondering why god nvr listen... why nvr send pple in... why why WHY?!?!? and then in a whirl i fumbled around didn't know what i was doing already.. i kinda lost control of my mind temporary...

the ending?? the door just opened... i grabbed my jacket, and left... still pissed and still mad and very much not on the right side of mind...

i still have yet to understand why i had to go through this ordeal today.. maybe in future i'll know why...

till then... no more dark green toilets.. and i'll bring my hp when i go toilet form now on.. and if possible... not going alone... to be away from pple trapped in isolation for 1 hour kills...

And here the story ends.
7:00 AM