Si.n.g My. L.ov.e

Saturday, July 24, 2004

a rather traumatic day. the day started really well for me. it was raining outside, such good weather to curl up in bed. then, some more, its my mummy's birthday today! then, the whole afternoon spent lazing around, watching sia ri de mo mo cha. a super oldie show but i like. hahaha... anyway, really enjoyed my afternoon... but tts where bad things started to happen. kc was driving the van today to church. i was running late. so apparently he was driving slightly faster. which i'm quite used to, but like i'll get a fright once in a while coz some car will try to illegally cut into our lane (which i'm very irritated by). well, the thing is, i kinda suffered a shock when the van almost knocked a person down. u see, we were approaching church. from a far, i saw a jogger on the walkway, jogging jogging jogging. orh, not jogging he was running fast. being the very scared of pedestrian self, i wanted to warn kc, but before i can warn, the guy just dashed across the road. i was really surprised coz he nvr look right before crossing the road. he presumed no cars and just dash across the road. gave me a fright of my life. coz if we were one second late, we probably would have knocked him down. but the thing tt puzzled me is why the guy nvr look before crossing one?? some more he running le... hmmz, then he crashed into the side window lor... gave me a scare. a really bad scare. i suffered such a bad scare tt when i was walking up the stairs to church, i almost fell down like a dozen times coz my legs were shaking really badly. and my legs has never gone shaky with exception of after running or tt incident of being locked in toilet. and, throughout the first half the music prac, i had to keep telling myself, it's okay, no body injured, no body killed. god will give me peace. and my mind just went completely blank. i just couldn't concentrate on playing. but, at least, i still can convince myself tt its okay. u know. what really hurt me today emotionally was what john said though. he was like err, i tot u not playing so i asked have some one to replace u. and now we have 5 co leads. and he asked me what am i gonna do. in the first place, he nvr really personally asked me whether i could or could not play. and with regards to tt, he said, kian hong told me u couldn't make it so i tot u can't. i didn't ask u personally coz asking u is like doubting what kian hong had told him. to me, tt is no excuse. fine, perhaps i didn't clearly say "that i'll be late for music prac on sunday, but i will still play" to kian hong, becoz i told him tt in a very noisy hawker centre. but i did repeat myself twice. but, as a person, as a musician for the youth, i do deserve some respect do i? asking won't kill u. maybe becoz some times when i talk he find me sacarstic la, which i don't mean it, i'm just a bit naggy in my words. but i think as a leader, it is important to clarify things personally. not through word of mouth. and the moment he told me tt "i tot u not playing so i asked have some one to replace u. and now we have 5 co leads, what to do now?" i felt so extra. seriously, its like, u try to make it for the music practice, u skip half of your drama practice to serve, and some one tell me indirectly scram we dont' need u, how would u feel? i'm fine not serving, seriously, i mean, i get more time to myself, to do things tt i need to do. and then and there i just said. okie, if u don't want me to serve, i'm fine i can leave now. i dont' want to be the extra. i won't want to take out your space. if u want me to leave, i'll just leave. no point staying around and doing some one else's preassigned duty. i guess, i shouldn't complain. i'm in music team becoz i wanna serve God, not to please other pple. as much there are thorns around u, just stand firm in faith in Him bah. throughout this week, there have been quite a number of remarks saying tt you should depend more on yourself then God, tt praying will not help. but i got to stand firm in Him. coz i know where ever i am now, is becoz God has guided me to. without Him, i won't have gotten through to today. keep the faith going. have to keep the faith going.

And here the story ends.
8:58 AM