Si.n.g My. L.ov.e

Sunday, July 25, 2004

rejuvenation. tts what i need to go through. these past weeks, i've been rushing around, and for what? i dont' know. just need to find tt peace yet again. i've been ignoring the fact tt my spiritual life is drained. i took a night stroll just now at west coast park. whilst walking, i can feel the quietness around me. there were pple meditating, pple cuddling under the shelters. it was all so serene. sureal. but whilst i was walking back, i suffered temporary memory blanks. u know, its like for a short 5 second, i forgot where i was? i couldn't figure out which part of west coast park i was? its like, i felt unconnected to the environment. but it was scary to suddenly lost all memories of the path tt i was walking. like a door shut. and the key thrown away. something is missing from my life. and tt is i've strayed a little away from god. as much as i do pray at night, but it's like always one sided. i know its on my part i just shut god's voice. but u know what? during my short walk, i could feel god's love embracing me. though i was walking alone by myself, and suffered a short memory blank, i knew tt i was not alone, coz there was no sense of fear. rather, a comforting feeling was surrounding me. and tt's the love of god. i still can remember what one pastor told me when he was praying for me. he told me tt, i would meet with a lot of criticism. but i need to stand firm in god. he said tt, i've talents tt god has given me, and just leave the criticism aside. how true his words are. shortly after i started my stint with SPA, a friend of mine came up and told me:"val, u go join these kind of weird thing for what? u are not cut out to be an actor. u have a carrot face." yuppz, tts what i heard. but i remember what chris told us(my drama instructor):"i don't have talent for acting. but it was through HIM tt i went through 10 years of drama training." acting cannot be taught. it's only through experiences. i didn't have talents in acting to begin with. i just toyed around doing drama flicks in my mind. but it's not me, it's not all abt me. there's a big world out there. even if i don't have the talents to begin with, i'm willing to train tt small seed. (as weird as it may sound, my interest in acting came from acting a bitchy role). and there have been so much criticism from others abt my piano playing, coz there's a much better pianist in the youth. i can't be compared to her i know. i didn't have the talents in music to begin with. i wanted to give up so many many many times. but i know, its through HIM, i've come thus far. i've found release through spritual worship in keyboard playing, in piano playing at home. and i really thank god. i guess, this is the point in my life, where its time to move out of my comfort zone again. to challenge myself in terms of drama, in terms of music. to stand firm in god's words and rise up to all the criticism. through HIM i'm strengthened. we fall down, we lay our crowns. at the feet of jesus. the greatness of, mercy and love, at the feet of jesus. sometimes i wonder, if my life is so chaotic now, without jesus, won't i have already attempted to kill myself ages ago? there are simply so many things in my life tt i'm thankful to god for. and one of the top thing is tt i've been set free from the bondage of suicidal attempts. HE really loves me a lot a lot. without him, i'm really nothing... nothing at all.

And here the story ends.
9:24 AM