Si.n.g My. L.ov.e

Friday, September 30, 2005

oh just to clarify, in case any god loving citizens decide to condemn me. i've nothing against the belief of religion. or, tt there's no god. just tt i'm trying to emphasize tt should not depend on a 3rd party to know more about god, you can intially gain the spark through the wisdom of another, but in order to sustain it, you've to seek your own light directly through the father. then u'll truly understand and come to terms that it's really true. like, now, even after saying my entire thought on this issue, for those who does not see the spark, will not see the spark until you see the spark. ironic, okie forget tt i said tt.. hahah... but nevertheless, i believe god exist, becoz. through the miracles i've seen, and the way i felt him alive in my life before. i knwo he's alive. now i just need to find tt life in me again.

And here the story ends.
8:28 PM

ah.... one month later.. and i'm blogging again! so stressed up.. exams piling up like a mess... you know being in social science is so extremely stressful. just reading and reading and reading.. even if i hated to read last time.. now trained to read... aiyoh.. one week must read at least la... in order to stay in class alive and awake. one class 90 pages, i've 5 classes... but i'm taking 3 cores... so... in a way... 270 pages... crazy la... hahaha.. no wait... plus econs... tts... 360 pages... madness... hahahah.. anyway, over the past few months, there's a lot of debate going on in my mind.. like, 1. what is religion. 2. poly. vs. jc. vs. uni which is worst... ehz.. actually i only had time to think about these 2 issues.. hahahahaha... so, back down to the first point. what is religion. been thinking alot, esp with this subject called perspective on pluralism of politics. it gives rise to 4 diff perspective. the individualistic (who believes in rights for everyone and tt there's no crisis at all in the world, unless there's no privitisation or at least harness wealth for r&d) the hierarchy (who believes tt government has the knowledge to gov the pple, and set rules coz the whole world is stupid) the egal (who are the ones who believe everyone should go back to mother nature, and be tribal pple, veryone care share!) the fatalist (nbow i find this group of pple very interesting. they are the selfish brats who believe they should get the best of everything). then it made me think about religion. being a christian for such a long time, you're taught the proper ways of life. you are taught that you have to go church, coz it's good. you're taught to love one another, and don't kill. you're taught to max your caring and sharing. then, i tot to myself, it's very egalitarians... many pple can debate tt religion can sprak off wars, becoz we always believe we are the ones who are right, and others are the crazy pple, all other religion are wrong, coz we have one god and only one god.. so we try to kill each other softly (at least for the extremist, they go out full fledge to annihilate think about it, it's a bit like saddam hussein or even hitler creating a pure race). but then, i concluded. religion means nothing, wait don't blow your face at this comment. i'm not trying to renounce my own religion and condemn every single religion alive in the world. there's a thin line between getting brained washed by other's to believing in a certain strand of thought, and, knowing what you believe in your heart is true. think about it, in my walk as a christian, i've been listening attentively to my pastors. or at least i tried to be honest, i even started taking down notes! but, lately, my walk has dwindled. becoz, i realised, i've depended too much on the feeding of others words, then knowing straight direct from the bible, direct from god. what's the best way to know what is christianity? it's through god himself. and through no other middle man. if not it's like, might as well be an ancestor religion coz my mum brings me, i go therefore it's my religion. then again, back in church, we have pple saying, ehz, you know you have to do this this this. if not you'll be that that that. cannot tahan. to a certain extend. coz, i feel a great sense of pressurization. self sacrifice for the greater good of the kingdom of god, and he will bless you greatly. but sometimes pple use this to their advantage. the enlightenment i really receive out of thinking for a month. is truly, just ask god directly what he wants you to do. and do it. i hate being brain washed by people. it's silent manipulation, even if they dont' realise it, coz they were also brain washed by others. and if you don't believe in it, it's called sin. okie okie.. too extreme.. then soon after, i'll get bombarded by people to tell me that what i've typed for this entire entry is somewhat wrong.. and that being a leader you can't be like tt.. is bad example. you have to go through tons of counselling. but, i think counselling is a form of brain washing. with care and share. anyway, god is the greatest of all man and all saints... so who should i listen? men or god? i go for the father in heaven. so, right now. no one can stop me, but i'm listening to him more then anyone else. then i cast doubts tt i'm recieving everything through a 3rd person... next on the debate of poly vs. jc. vs. uni

And here the story ends.
8:19 PM